To Be A “Good Professional ”,
Always Start To Study Late For “Exams”.
Because It Teaches How To Manage “Time ”
And Tackle “Emergencies”!!

An Interesting Statement Written Above Wall - Clock In Examination Hall
.
“Time Will Pass , But Will You…… . ??”a

A Belated Teachers' Day
Its A Humble Request"80% Of Teachers Rsuffering From Throat Pain By Teaching Students.
"So Plz....bunk D Classes As Much
As Possiblen
Save Our Teachers??????

History Ki Class Chal Rahi Thi
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
Tabhi Teacher Ne Puccha Ye Bhaar
Kyu Chala Gaya
.
.
.
.
.
.
...
.
.
.
Then His Friend Said
Madam Usse Neend Me Chalne Ki
Aadaat Hai .....
Teacher Shocked, Student
Rocked...

टीचर : पानी मे रहने वाले 5 जीओ के नाम बताओ.?
पप्पू : मेंडेक
टीचर : व्हेरि गुड, बाकी चार बोलो..
पप्पू : उसकी मा, उसका बाप, उसकी बेहन और
उसका भाई!!

Teacher: "Mai Teri Jaan Nikal Dungi"
Ka Future Tense Kya Hoga..??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Studnet: "Tu, Haath Laga Ke To Dikha..
Fir Batata Hu Tera Future Kya Hoga..

Teacher : What Should Be In A Book To Make It Interesting. ?
Boy : A Girl On The Cover And No Cover On The Girl

Teacher: "Aaj Pehli
Baar Tum Class Me
Baat Kar Rahi Ho..
.
.
.
Hamesha Tum Nazre
Jhukake Meri Baate
Sunti Thi Kya Ho Gya
Hai Tumhe.. ??
... .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Pinky:" Sir Ji Net Pack
Khatm Ho Gaya
Hai..

no 1 joke

Boss:mere liye ek shisha le ke aao,
Jisme mai apna muh dekh saku...!
Santa:nahi mila sir,
Sab shisho par mera hi Muh Dikhay de raha tha.

Girl: Meri skin bahut soft and sensitive hai,
aur rang bhi bahut gora hai.
Main sone se pehle kya laga k soya karoon ..??
?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Doctor: Apne room ki kadi......

A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector.
Friend: How was ur first night?
Man: She charged Rs 100 from me forOverspeed,
200 for wrongside entry and Rs 500 for no helmet.

HoSpital me sare Pagal Ro Rahe te
1 Pagal Chupchup Soya tha.Doctor N Pucha-Tum Q Shanti se Soye ho?
Pagal-Bewakuf,mai mar chuka hu Isliye to sab Ro rhe hai..

Teacher Asked Santa :
Agr ped par 5 birds bethi ho,
aurtum 1 ko goli maar do to
kitni bach gyi?
Santa : Koi nahi, sab ud
jayengi.
Teacher: Nahi, 4 bachengi,
lekin tumhari soch mujhe
pasand aai.
.
.
.
.
.
Santa : Madam mera bhi 1
sawal Hai.
3 ladies ice cream kha rahi
Hain.
1 chaat kar,
1 kat kar
aur
1 choos kar
batao konsi shadi shuda Hai?
Teacher sharmate hue:Jo
choos rahi Hai.
Santa : Nhi,jis k gale me
mangalsutra hai,
.
.
.
lekin
apki soch mujhe pasand
Aai.

Ek bar engineering k sbhi Profesrs ko
ek plane me bithaya gya.....
.
Fir announce kiya gya ki
:-"YE PLANE APKE STUDENTS NE BNAYA
HAI"
.
.
.
Sab profesrs utr gye,
.
Par principAl baithe rahe
.
.
.
Logo ne pucha :- Apko Darr nhi lgta?
.
Principle-
"Muje apne studnts par pura bharosa
hai
.
.
.
.
Ye start hi nahi hoga.

Solid Insult
Wife:Soch rahi hun ap k
sath Dubai,UK ghoom
aaon kitney paise... lagen
ge?
Husband:kuch bhi nahi.
Wife:Wo kaise?
Husband:Sochne k paise
nahi lagtey :

1pagal Aaina Dekh k sochne lga,
isko kahin dekha h.
thodi der sochne k baad
.
"O Teri " ye to wohi hai
.
jo Mere sath us din Baal ktwa raha tha

Prof: to keep your character good, think every woman as your mother. Student: but thinking every woman as my mother will make my fathers character bad.

Ek Aadmi Ki Ek Dukan Pe Zabardast Pitayi Ho Gayi Ab Batao Kyun ?
Dukan Jewellery Ki Thi, Aur Wo Sales Girl Se Bola…
Aapke Ek Ek Item Mast Hain, Aaj Soney Ke Kya Bhav Hai

Ek Sharif Aadmi Ko Kya Chahiye:
.
.
.
Ek Biwi Jo Pyaar Kare,
Ek Biwi Jo Achha Khaana Banaye,
Ek Biwi Jo bacho ko sambhale
.
aur
.
.
.
TEENO Biwiya Mil Julkar Rahe..

Hum chlormint kyon khaate
Hai?
Q ki
5 STAR
Dairymilk
Perk
Kitkat
aur
Munch
50 paise me nahi ate hai!
Ab dubara mat puchna.

Height of prank call

Phone rings...
Tring tring......
Boy :- Hello, Roshni hai kya....???

Girl :- Nahi....

Boy :- toh candle jala na..pagal..

Teacher to girl: how many planets r there?
Girl: Mars, Venus, Jupiter.
Teacher: Aur batao?
Girl : Bas sahab badiya, aap sunao!

Aajkal ki ladhiyon ki dress-
Yahan se less
Wahan se less
Kabhi sleeveless
Kabhi backless
Aur koi ladka ghoor kar dekhe to
KAMINA CHARACTERLESS

Boy went 2 Drop Aunti,
Aunti - Raat ho gayi hai bitu ke pass so jao.
Boy - anti sofe per so jaunga
NEXT MRNG
A HOT Girl Making A tea
Boy - AAP ?
GRL - i m bitu & u ?
Boy - ULLU ka PATHA..!!

Dosto,aaj hum 1
ajib Prani ke bareme padhenge..
Is jiv ka naam he..
"Girlfriend".
Yeh aksar College me payi jati hai.
Inka poustik aahar he Boyfriend ka BHEJA aur wallet.
Inhe aksar naraz hone ka NATAK karte hue dekha jata hai.
Is prani ka sabse khatarnak hathiyar he RONA or emotionally blackmail karna.
uske Sampark me rehne se TENSION
naam ki bimari ho sakti he,
Jiska koi ilaaj nahi.
bas inse savdhan rehna
"Bharat Sarkar dwara janhit me jari."@

Arz he...
Cycle aisi
chalao jiska pahiya na ho
.
.
Cycle aisi chalao jiska pahiya na
ho.
.
.
"
"
aur ladki aisi patao jiska bhaiya
na ho...

teacher_ladke or ladki me kya frk h...
stdent_ladki ek saal me ek hi br ma bn skti h...bt
ladka ek saal me kitne b bacho ka papa bn skta ...

Teacher: Can u tel the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness & peace into student’s lives?

Stud:
Smo-KING
Drin-KING
&
Bun-KING

Ladke wale ladki ke ghar aaye,
Or Pucha: Ladki kuch karti bhi hai?
Ladki ki Maa: Han Ji
34 Rupees me Pure 15000 SMS Karti hai
Woh bhi saare ladkon ko!

Height of a 'Aata mhaji satakli' moment:
When u create a file named
'gwresfjtgatwpjd'and stil you get a
message:..
'File name already exists'..:

Ladki apne Boyfriend ko naraz
karne ke baad SMS pe kaise manati hai..!!

1st Hour: Sorry
2nd Hour: Sorry plzz..
3rd Hour: Plzz 1 baar baat karlo.
4th Hour: Plzz reply jaan…
5th Hour: Plzzz itna naraz mat ho..
6th Hour: I’m sorry, I’ll die agar tumne baat nahi ki..
7th Hour: Dafa ho, 100 ladke ghumte haitere jaise..
Sar pe hi chadha jaa rha hai, bhaad me jaa..

Boy: Sorry Dear, balance nahi tha.
Girl: Ohh.. Its okkk love u jaan..

Best breakup :

Girl:I hate u get lost, I Don't wanna talk to you, This relationship is over-

Boy:what happnd??
I didn't look up with any girl, I love only you..!

Girl:Shut up, i don't wanna be with you, you didn't 'Like' my status on facebook ..!

Ladki apne Boyfriend ko naraz karne ke baad
SMS pe manati
hai..
.
.
1st Hour:"Sorry.. .
2nd Hour:"Sorry plzz..
.
3rd Hour:"Plzz 1 baar baat karlo..
.
4th Hour:"Plzz reply jaan..
.
5th Hour:"Plzzz itna naraz mat ho..
.
6th Hour:"I'm sorry, I'll die agar tumne baat
nahi ki..
.
.
7th Hour: Salman Khan Hai Kya"Dafa ho, 100
ladke
ghumte hai tere jaise..
Sar pe hi chadha jaa rha hai, bhaad me jaa
.
.
.
Boy:"Sorry Dear, balance nahi tha.
Girl:"Ohh Its okkk

Fulo Ki Mahak Ko Churaya Nahi Jaata
Suraj Ki Kirano Ko Chhupaya Nahi Jaata
Apni Girlfriend Kitni Bhi Achchhi Ho,
Dusre Ki Girlfriend Ko Bhulaya Nahi Jaata……

Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aur humare dil se awaaz nikli.....
Fiteh Mooh Tusin ethevii aa gaye !!!

Hum chlormint kyon khaate
Hai?
Q ki
5 STAR
Dairymilk
Perk
Kitkat
aur
Munch
50 paise me nahi ate hai!
Ab dubara mat puchna..

Kid from washroom to his mother:
Mama Kar leeeeeeeeeee
.
.
Mama: Ullu k pathy khud dhoo..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kid: Jab dhula nai sakty to khilaty kyun
hooooo

Baba ji ka mela laga hai haridwar mai. Prasad mai Recharge Coupon diye jayenge. Kisi aur ko mat batana. YeSMSsirf chuninda bhikhariyo ko bheje ja raha hai..

Ramlila se hanuman tha farar,
role k liye fit kia ek sardar,
jo tha bahut hi kamal,
ped se chalang mar ka bola,
jo bole sonihal,sita maiya sasriakal.

Height Of Confidence:
Son: Main School Nahi Jaunga!
Mom: Kyun?
Son: Main Job Karunga.
Mom: Pehli Class Pad Ke Kya Job Karega, Nalayak?
Son: Kg Ki Ladkiyon Ko Tution Padhaunga!

very funny

Ladke Ne Apni Nayi Bani Girl-friend Ko Bade Pyar Se Samjhate Hue Kaha.
Boy: “Darling Humhare Pyaar Ke Baare Me Kisi Ko Kuch Mat Batana”
Girl: “Aapki Bahan Ko To Zarur Bataongi”
Boy: “Arrey Usko Kyu?”
Girl: “Kamini Kahti Thi Koi Kutte Ka Pilla Hi Hoga Jo Tum Se Pyaar Karega.“

Gaanv Mein Ladke Ki Shadi Tay Hui, Vo Apne Sasur Ko Bola.
Ladka: “Sasur Ji, Mujhe Dahej Mein Ek Motorcycle Bhi Chahiye”
Sasur Gusse Se Bhadakta Hua Bola: “Bh@nsdi Ke, Tere Ko Sare Gaanv Ki Taxi De Di,
Aur Tujhe Ab Bhi Motorcycle Chahiye“

1 Ladka Ladki Se Puchta Hai K :
Bachche Kaise Hote Hain/
Ladki :
Chup. .!!!
Ladka :
Batao Na Plz : P
Ladki :
Nahi Pata Ab Mat Puchna ..!!
Ladka :
Are Bewkoof Itna Bhi Nahi Pata . . .
Bachche Shararti Hote Hai
Moral : -
Girls Hamesha Boys Ko Galat Hi Samjhti Hain .

Ek Ladka Apni Girlfrnd Ka Cell Chori Se Dekhta Hai Ki Usne Mera Number Kis Name Se Save Kiya Hai Jaan Jaanu Ya Sweetu.
Usne Apne Cell Se Call Kiya To Dekha Girlfrnd Ke Cell Pe
Likha Aa Raha Tha Murga No.-5 Calling

Premi-jaanu Me Tumhe Subah Se Shaam Aur Shaam Se Subah Tak Pyaar Karunga.
Premika- Jaanu To Fir Main Potty Kab Jaungi.

What Is The Height Of Honesty ?
Sitting In Examination Hall
Opening The Chit
Memorizing The Answer
And Writing It Without Seeing…

To Be A “Good Professional ”,
Always Start To Study Late For “Exams”.
Because It Teaches How To Manage “Time ”
And Tackle “Emergencies”!!

Height Of Pagalpan:
.
There Is Declaimer Shown In Starting Of Thumsup Add
That:
"Do Not Try This At Your Home!!!"
.
Jaise Ki Hum To Vijay Maliya Ki Aulad Hai Aur Ghar Pe
Helicopter Laake Usme Se Jeep Leke Kudne Hi Waale The!!!

no 1 joke

Maa Apne Bete Se Kehti: Beta So Ja Warna Gabbar Aa Jayega.

Beta Apni Maa Se Kehta: Maa Mujhe Chocolate Do Varna Papa Se Keh Dunga Ke Mere Sone Ke Bad Roz Gabbar Aata Hai.

Jagjit Singh: Ye Daulat Bhi Lelo.. Ye Shaurat Bhi Lelo..
Ye Daulat Bhi Lelo, Ye Shaurat Bhi Lelo...
Santa: Ye Bechara Bahut Pareshan Hai Iski Aurat Bhi Lelo

please read it

1. भारत में 80% लोग दूध नहीं पीते।
2. यु.के. में अब तक जुड़वा बच्चे पैदा नहीं हुए।
3. नेपाल में टाईगर इंसानो के साथ सोते हैं।
4. साँप को अगर हवा में फ़ेंका जाये तो वह 10
सेकेण्ड तक उड़ सकता है।
5. ज़ेबरा का दिल नहीं होता।
6. बंदर चाईनिज ज़ुबान समझ सकते हैं।
7. हाथी के दुम के 1 बाल से एक वक्त में 3
मोबाइल की बैटरी चार्ज कर सकते हैं।
8. ये सब पॉइंट गलत हैं।
हम खाली बैठे टाइम पास कर रहे थे।
ध्यान से पढ़ने का शुक्रिया..

no 1 joke

निकाह के बाद दूल्हा मौलवी से
-“आपकी फीस ?”
मौलवी – “बरखुरदार, बेगम
की ख़ूबसूरती के मुताबिक दे दो ।”
दूल्हे ने जेब से दस का नोट निकाल कर
मौलवी को थमाया और उठ कर जाने लगा ।
तभी अचानक हवा से दुल्हन का घूँघट उठ गया ।
मौलवी – अमा मियाँ, बाकी के पैसे तो लेते जाओ .

no 1 joke

प्लेन में 4 से 5 ड्रिंक लेने के बाद...
.
ब्रिटिश- मैं अब सोना चाहता हूँ 
.
अमेरिकन - मैं अब इन्टरनेट पर अपना काम करूंगा ।
.
जर्मन - मैं फिल्म देखूँगा ।
.
चीनी - मैं गाने सुनूंगा ।
.
INDIAN - हट जाओ अब भाई प्लेन उड़ाएगा ✈

no 1 joke

Dabang Style:
Sir:- Satish Tumhare Saare
Answers
Galat Hain..
Satish:- Kamaal Karte Ho
Sir Ji.. Marks Hi To Maang Rahe Hain..
Pyar Se De Do Warna Thappad
Maar Ke Bhi Le Sakte Hain....!
Sir:- Battamiz.. !!!
Satish:- Battamiz Se Yaad Aaya
Sir Aapke Pitaji Kaise Hain??
Sir:- Nikal Ja Class Se..!!!
Satish:- Chup-chap Marks
De Do..
Warna Anwers Sheet Mein Itne
Chedd Karunga Ki Confuze Ho Jaoge
Ki Fail
Kahan Likhe Aur Zero
Kahaan Dein........

no 1 joke

Jailor: Tumhe Kal Subah 5 Baje Phasi Di Jayegi.
Sardar : Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon Has Rahe Ho?
Sardar: Mai To Uthta Hi Subha 9 Baje Hu!

The Teacher Asked All The Students In A Class To Write An Essay On A Cricket
Match.
All Were Busy Writing Except Banta.
He Wrote "Due To Rain, No Match!"

awwsmm joke

Photographer Santa Was Focusing On The Dead Body's Face In A Funeral Function.
Suddenly All The Relatives Started Beating Him - Why?
He Said "Smile Please"

awwsm joke

Santa Had A Dream In Which Someone Murdered Him. Next Day He Closed His Bank
Account. Know Why?
Because The Bank's Slogan Was: We Make Your Dreams Come True...

no 1 joke

Santa In Coffee Shop With Wife.
Santar: Jaldi Pi, Coffee Thandi Ho Jaye Gi.
Wife:ki Fark Painda Hai?
Srdar: Bewkuf Rate List Dekh
Hot Coffee Rs.15
Cold Coffee.45

no 1 joke

After Engagement
Girl: Now Stop Looking At Girls, U R Committed Now.
Boy: What Do U Mean, If I M On Diet, That Doesn`t Mean That I Can`t Look At Menu.

Tumhari Biwi Ki Bahen
Tumhari Sali Hai
Wah Wah
Tumhari Biwi Ki
Bahen Tumhari Sali Hai
Wah Wah
Acp Says: Daya Ye Pistol
To Khali Hai.

Swimming Pool Mein
Paani Bohot Gehra Hai
Daya Says- "Sir Lagta
Hai Yeh Aadmi Iss Hotel Mein
Kisi Dusre Naam Se Thehra Hai."

good joke

Teacher='loafer' Aur 'Offer' Me Kya Antar Hai?
Student=
Very Simple Mam!
'I Love U' Agar Ladka Bole To
'Loafer' Aur Ladki Bole To 'Offer'

no 1 joke

Ek Sharabi Train Ki Patri Par So Gaya,
Ek Aadmi Bola Train Ayegi To Mar Jayega Uth Ja,
Sharabi: “Saale Abhi Aeroplane Upar Se Gaya,
Kuch Nahi Hua To Train Hai Hi Kya Cheez.

no 1 joke

History Ki Class Chal Rahi Thi
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
Tabhi Teacher Ne Puccha Ye Bhaar
Kyu Chala Gaya
.
.
.
.
.
.
...
.
.
.
Then His Friend Said
Madam Usse Neend Me Chalne Ki
Aadaat Hai .....
Teacher Shocked, Student
Rocked...

no 1 joke

America Mein Waar 

Robert: America Mein Waar Ho Gaya Boss! 
Ajit: U.s Mein Kyaa Rakhaa Hai Bloody Fool! India Mein Roz “Waar” Hota Hai. 

Ajit: Bolo Kaise??? 
Robert: Nahin Maaloom Boss!!! 

Ajit: Arre Ulloo!! Somwaar, Mangalwaar, Budhwaar

Kya Moh-maya Hai!!
Apna Baccha Roye To,
Dil Me Dard Hota Hai Aur
Dusre Ka Roye To Sir Me..
Apni Biwi Roye To Sir Me Dard Hota Hai
Aur Dusre Ki Roye To Dil Me.

Universal Truth:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Help A Girl When She Is In Trouble,
And She will Surely Remember You
Only When She Is Again In Trouble..!!

no 1 joke

100 Metre Ki Race Ho Rahi Thi...

Referee Said '1,2,3 Go!'...

Everybody Started Running Except Alia Bhatt.

Referee - Y R U Not Running...?

Alia - My Number Is 4.

no 1 joke

Alia Bhatt And Varun Dhawan Are Walking On A Road, And They Find A 1000 Rupee Note Lying Down.

Alia - What Should We Do Now?

Varun- We'll Take 50:50.

Alia- What About The Remaining 900?

no 1 joke

फेसबुक का कमाल"

क्लास के दौरान एक लड़के ने अपना फेसबुक एकाउंट खोला 
और
लिखा कि
" मैं क्लास में फेसबुक यूज कर रहा हु।"

फॉरेन प्रोफ़ेसर ने कमेंट किया
"क्लास से निकल जाओ"

प्रिंसिपल ने प्रोफ़ेसर के कमेंट को " लाईक " किया।
दोस्त ने कमेंट किया 
"ओए केफे आजा"

माँ ने कमेंट किया
" नालायक कही का,
क्लास नहीं अटेंड करनी तो
सब्जी ले कर घर आ"
बाप ने फौरन कमेंट किया
" देख लो अपने बेटे की हरकतें"

उसी वक्त गर्लफ्रेंड का कमेँट आया
" धोखेबाज तूने तो कहा था कि

'हॉस्पिटल में हूँ दादी आखरी स्टेज पर है 'इसलिए मिलने नहीं आ सकता।"
और 
आखिर में खतरनाक कमेँट भी
पढ़िए।

उसी वक्त दादी ने कमेँट किया 
" तेरे मुँह में कीड़े पड़े नालायक
" मैं अभी जिन्दा हु"

किसी ने बड़े मजाक के साथ पूछा कि यार ये व्हाटसअप्प ग्रुप क्या है...?

हमने बड़े प्यार से जवाब दिया -


"रेल का वो खचाखच भरा डब्बा है जहां पादे कोई भी मगर सूंघना सभी को पड़ता है।"

no 1 joke

12 Saal K Ladke Ne 20 Saal Ki Ladki Ko Phool Diya
Ladki Ne Kiss Diya
Wo Gabhra Ke Bhaga
Ladki Ne Pucha:
Kya Hua
Ladka:
Guldasta Le Ke Aa Raha Hu

no 1 joke

Pappu ऑमलेट बना रहा था।
उसने जैसे
ही अंडा तोड़ा तो अंडा खाली निकला।
Pappu हैरान
होकर बोला, साला, घोर कलयुग है!!
.
अब
मुर्गियां भी अबॉर्शन कराने Lagi

santa banta joke

Santa Ek Baarat Me Gaya
Wahan Use Baar-baar Paani Parosa Ja Raha Tha
Preshan Ho Kar
Santa Chillaya : Gale Me Paani Fas Gaya Hai,
Thode “Rasgule Do”

no 1 joke

Santa Banta Ko Thappad Mara
Banta-ye Tune Mazak Me Maara Ya Seriously
Santa-seriously
Banta-fir Thik Hai,muze Mazak Bilkul Pasand Nahi

no 1 joke

Machchhar Ka Bachcha Paheli Baar Uda. 
Jab Wapis Aaya To Baap Ne Pucha,
Kaisa Laga? 
Machchhar- bahut Achchha,jaha Bhi Gaya Log Taliya Baja Rahe The

Ek Baar Ek Ladka Bhag Kar Gaya Aur Ek Ladki Se Bola:
Mai Aapse Dosti Karna Chahta Hu..
-
Ladki Boli: Teri Meri Dushmani Kab Thi “Bhai”

Good joke

Kon Kehta Hai Hawa Free Ki Hoti Hai ?
Kabhi Lays Ka 10 Rupay Wala
Chips Khareed K Dekho,
Usmey 7 Rupay Ki Hawa Aur
3 Rupay Ke Chips Hote Hai.